there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
