I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
