bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
