I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
