So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
