I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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