i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
