Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
