There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
