please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
