So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
