you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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