The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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