I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
