i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
When are your genitals available?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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