We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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