so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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