I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
