Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Holy shit dude........stairs
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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