just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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