whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
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The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
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I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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