What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
