Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
