Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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