Cold hands, warm shart.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
