$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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