they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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