You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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