tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize