I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Boobs speak an international language.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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