Old men and throwing up are my life now.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
