We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
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