Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
