there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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