they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
