Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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