she woke up with a sticky ear
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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