I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
