So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
