I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
