i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
