it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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