well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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