But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
