I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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