hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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