i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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