Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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