He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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