It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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