those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
