you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
