She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
