Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
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