I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
