i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
