I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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