I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
