I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
