i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
