he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
