u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
