I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
