my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize