y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
