and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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