I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
