Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
